Summer break has officially arrived. That means lazy, hazy days with no agenda; staying up late to catch lightening bugs; working in the garden; and, soaking up as much sunshine as possible. Right?!
Growing up summer break was the best ever. The last day of school meant we could focus on days with nothing to do. Most of our days were spent outside but the days seemed to stretch on endlessly.
As a grandparent raising little ones, I both look forward to summer break and dread it at the same time. Honestly, summer break removes the battles that can spark in our home during the school year because the Bear has to get dressed, eat, you know, be human right out of the gate, and she doesn’t appreciate that. When she doesn’t appreciate things we all hear about it. Although as an aside and shout out to one of my brilliant sisters – if anyone is struggling getting your little one to get dressed in the mornings, have them put their fresh school clothes on the night before to sleep in. Game changer for us. A thing of yogurt, a beef jerky stick, or a microwaved sausage biscuit with something to drink waiting by her bed means she can wake up (with her alarm) and linger as long as she needs to.
But, I digress. As I said, not having that morning routine argument is a blessing. Not having a routine for homework in the evenings helps as well and summer is a nice reprieve from that. I tend to set the bar high for myself and the kids in the summer – we are going to read 20 minutes each day – we are going to continue practicing spelling, etc.; and, although we do go to the library and I do try to work on training their brain for August when school starts back, it’s nice to not have any deadlines. Trips to the library are fun for the kids and they are allowed to pick out their own books and they each have their own library card. It’s a good responsibility/accountability lesson as well.
Trips to the pool are another highlight for both myself and the kids. Thankfully we have a few amazing people in our world who allow us to swim at their homes. These outings not only allow the kids to work off energy but they wear them out. They always sleep well after a day of swimming.
One of the downsides of summer break is that they are with me 24/7. 24/7. That is a long time sometimes. We get bored with each other often and I try to have them go outside frequently. Thankfully we always garden and they are both very active in helping us not only plant but cultivate and harvest. Up until mid-summer last year there was a constant argument over electronics. About halfway through summer break last year we all talked about electronic use and it was decided they could have a certain amount prior to noon if their behavior is good and then a certain amount of time after noon, if their behavior is good. Too much time in front of tablets changes both of our little people and it’s not pretty. It’s amazing though what they can do when they are off their tablets – they actually tap into that imagination they have – and they get to interact with the world.
But it’s all exhausting. Some nights when the day is over I’m worn out and I think back to what our day consisted of and realize that I’m not 30 anymore! Heck, I’m not even 40 anymore! Raising children in your 50’s is significantly different. One vow I try to make for myself though is to not try and walk this journey alone – not to pretend I’m a single parent – not to have too much pride to say: I need a break, can you help, or simply to just accept help that is offered. That’s an issue I’m continuing to work through. I know there are grandparents, aunts, uncles, all manner of relatives raising children in their second phase of life unexpectedly. Please know you are not alone. Also know, we are all as tired as you!
Recently some issues have come to light that will have to be addressed over the next several weeks, and conversations have to be had regarding moving forward with a monumental decision for our family and I have found that my prayer life has been severely lacking. It has dawned on me that the reason my prayer life has been severely lacking is because I’ve been a tad ticked off at God lately. I’ve not been raging, throwing fits and all that business, but when I get hurt or mad I shut down and that’s what I’ve done. I’ve been through a period of time where I feel as if I’ve prayed the same prayers over and over consistently for years sometimes and yet I see no marked difference in circumstances. I’ve used every excuse possible, to avoid attending church services because I honestly know that when I walk in that door, my composure may no longer exist. I keep reminding myself of a song that says … “Maybe it’s okay, if I’m not okay”. I’ve come to realize that it is most certainly okay if I am not okay and better yet, it is okay for me to say it out loud. Granted I may pick and choose who I reveal that to, but in all sincerity the people who truly know me and love me already know. They often just wait on me to admit it.
My biggest hurtle of late has been to admit it to God. It’s different to think things than it is to voice them. I have to remember that when I am at my weakest, most worn, most frustrated, most hurt, most angry … He is and always has been at his strongest. I am not only harming myself personally by shutting down on God but I’m harming these children who despartely need their faith to be built so that, as with any of us, we can stand firm to weather the journeys in our life.
These verses have been rattling around lately and I believe that there may be someone else who needs these reminders:
Nehemiah 6:3: so I sent messengers to them with this reply: “I am carrying on a great project and cannot go down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and go down to you?”
1 Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
2 Timothy 1:12: But I am not ashamed of it, for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of his return.
Mark 9:23-24: “ ‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
One thing we who are raising a generation of children with absent parents is that we are doing a great work! He who is with us will never leave us. He who is with us chose us for this part of these children’s journey. He will sustain us. Anything is possible through Christ. Our faith and our hope will carry us through even the hardest days. It’s easy to forget all of that when you are living in the middle of that big ole forest, just trying to cut through one tree at a time to reveal the path. But we must all remember. Our lives are no accidents. We must love deeply – sometimes it’s for our children, sometimes it’s for our grandchildren or other children who we tend too – and sometimes it’s for ourselves. Love ourselves – cut ourselves some slack occasionally – and know that summer and sunshine can mend a lot of wounds.
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Mom by Proxy . . . and God's Grace 
We’ve got three more days before we hit summer break here. I’m with you about the love/hate relationship with the summer. I have to still get some work done, so I do have them in some summer day programs for four of the weeks. This helps me stay a bit sane.
We are not alone!
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